i guess my drink was spiked, with testosterone pills.

?!!?

FML

(and i need to stop telling wrong people the wrong things)

***********

suddenly i would rather work, and have the wkends not arrive.

it protects me from reality

29th october 2009 thursday
went fred's house at night, had dinner, use com etc

30th october 2009 friday
(it was his "off" day)
slacked in the afternoon
got ready
had dinner at this coffeeshop near his house
it was raining!
headed over to pasir ris chalet for yehying's bday chalet

talked slacked helped out
more friends arrived and we played some games
the games were entertaining to watch, not that fun to be a part of-.-
hehe i didnt have to play it though

there was some tension though, as there were 2 groups of people who were doing diff things? and yea, some story behind it

caused quite alot of unhappiness and raising of voices, which i was extremely uncomfortable with
i need to learn to be less peace loving.

anw we also went mac awhile.. then slept till the next day

31st october 2009 saturday

had kway chap brunch at the fdcourt


got ready the decor, bbq food cake everyth, bathed..

soon, people came streaming in.. it was pouring though, some of them were drenched=S.

ate slacked talked, it was quite pleasant
then cake cutting session ( the cake had gorgeous looks but no substance though=S it tasted quite.. horrid=S. but it was really pretty lah haha)

hmm.
oh.
and it was such a touching moment, when yehying's mum placed the necklace around her neck haha
yehying has cute nephews/cousins (haha i dunno which isit)




1st november 2009 sunday

woke up aroudn 9 or 10, packed up and went our separate ways..

slept the aftnn away

for dinner, we went nihon mura for sushi yum yum :D
(the queue to foot the bill was downright awesome though-.- some cock up in their new computer system i guess. we queued for what, half an hr?? or longer-.- just to pay. as if we really were so eager to pay. -.-)

then tampanies mall/1/century square

then back to the house

=))

haha. some pics to entice your tastebuds abit. (newyorknewyork)






so tired now haha=S could have blogged in the day but was too lazy ah.

yeayea, supposed to report for work today. but when i woke up in the morning i realised i havent recovered from the cold i caught the day before (as i couldnt stop sneezing)

and since the aircon in the office would be like the ultimate trigger to a full-blown cold, i (happily) decided not to go to work and went back to sleep for like an hour more before waking up again..

hoho damn tired now cos i didnt go back to sleep when i reached home. dont wanna screw up my sleep wake cycle again.

(hai my face round like shit now i look like shit=(!! and hence i feel like shit. )

************************
saturday 7th nov 2009

last last week heh heh (i know the pictures dont exactly look like shit but thats more than a wk ago and pictures can be really decieving yea)








fred had work in the day so i met him at doubhy gauht at night.. we headed to the chicken rice place beside the famous beancurd place to have chicken rice.. it was good haha yum yum, esp since we were quite famished. wanted to have beancurd too but somehow we didnt..

afterwhich we started walking.. UH.. around the area? i had no idea heh heh but yea walked quite alot before heading to timbre. we forgot that it would be damn packed though. so took a detour and ended up slacking in coffeeclub/tcc (? they are the same to me)

left the place around 1am when they were closing and headed to this lan shop.. fred had like 50 mins of his l4d fix..

haha yea, and the reason we were slacking so aimlessly was cos someone chose the 155am movie over the 1145pm one LOL

haha but fun lah yea=) i like brainless activities like slacking and eating

anw, hence, at 155am we headed to the cathay to watch our movie. love happens.

somehow i feel the title of the movie is kind of misleading. oh well, love did "happen" in the movie, but the movie was more about like the grieving process and all? the love interest and all that was kind of like a separate issue or sth, from what i can rmb

still interesting i guess, sth different from the usual romantic comedies.

oh but the ending was rather anticlimax hmm

anw, after the movie we took the nightrider and headed back to his house =)

sunday 8th nov 2009

was spent slacking in the house cos fred had to go to work around 5pm.. sunday also need to work-.-

eh eh, not work. i mean army haha.

yeah.

so since i had no plans i headed home! which led to my earlier post about a boring sunday night haha

************************
so then i survived work from monday to friday! yesyesyesyes i am proud of myself

saturday 14th nov 2009

haha called each other around noon and spent more than an hour trying to decide where to go.. not like the call ended with any conclusion anw haha (yea i know the "plans-making" part of my brain is seriously underdeveloped)

anw so like, about 4 hours later we finally met (cos someone fell asleep).. at bugis!

headed to kampong glam and haji lane

caught like half of a theatre play, cool..

got the touristy feel when i was in kampong glam haha, the nice chilly un-singaporean weather did set the mood too haha

haji lane has mostly nice clothes.. some prices on the steeper side though

shall head back there again when i recieve my PAY

but yknow, nice clothes, when worn on not-nice body of someone with not-nice face..

HAI (i feel sorry for the clothes)

anw, we had malay food for dinner at this coffeeshop.. had bandung, sth which i have not ordered... in many many years O.o

we then proceeded to iluma, walked around abit.. then to bugis junction.. to TCC to slack again haha

quite like the nutella espresso i ordered (worth the.. 15 mins? worth of menu-staring i did before my final decision heh heh)

we then caught the last train back to tamp..

15th nov 2009 sunday

woke up around noon n slack till evening..and was about to start preparing to head out already when i had this sneezing fit (triggered by the chilly weather, cant stand my sensitive nose seriously).. which lasted till.. monday morning??

such agony man, sneezing non-stop-.-.. using up the entire box of tissue papers

so yea, just slept until i felt slightly better, then watched tv/com n all n spent the whole day indoors

=S

hmm, as you said, can always go out another time huh i guess.. hmm..

**********************

yea, that's about it, think its about time to sleep yea!

ohya i havent blogged about yehying's chalet-.-

ah.. next post or sth

gdnight

haha, at work now. at the moment i am done with the things i m being given so yea here i am, blogging for the sake of blogging at work for once haha

anyhw, I feel esp sleepy even though i slept at like 10pm ytd, though one hr in between was spent smsing in a half asleep state.. then again though i slept at 10pm it means i only had about 9 hrs plus of sleep.. not enough leh-.- i need like 12 or sth

gosh, i very very scared i will get fatter lah. i can feel it already. i hit my max alr y'know! but office job is like that one ah. very stressful leh, everyday must TRY not to eat lunch, though often, i give in to hunger/boredom/temptation.

hoho good luck to everyone (many friends i think) who's taking exams! o levels, a levels, uni exams, whatever its called heh heh

okay i am secretly feeling lucky. at least for now..
though in the future i would be the one suffering

*************************
nowadays i have decided to stop thinking

(just when i have stopped doing so i was being accused of doing so..-.- but nvm haha i am NOT harping on it okay its nothing)

and my studies, future, everything, now that i have found a job it kind of stabilizes.. something.. though my current job has got pretty much nothing to do with my future n studies

so yea all in all i have more or less gotten like, a little of my peace back.. a little only though

i mean, i might need to pay a price for it eventually lah, but right now, i dont really care

I dont really need much excitement in my life, just peace, yea thanks alot

(but of course, theres still stuff lacking. like some.. variety. esp to my wkdays=S dont even know what to do when i reach home y'know)

i am at home in my own house! on a sunday night.. it has been like.. 2-3 months since this last occurred hoho.

boorrinnggggggggggggg night.
abit not used to it ah.
i think my family will be quite surprised to see me when they reach home later too-.-

okay just here to type abit. to take a break fr my pte blog entry-.- that one requires more brainpower i feel abit lazy to continue blogging alr thats y i came here.

anw byee.

suddenly i realise that it is quite important to make sure that at the end of the day, you wont be left with nothing.

no wonder people turn to inanimate objects.

darn, certain things that i could have held on to better.
maybe its just like some innate trait of mine, and i shouldnt take it so hard on myself hmm

can still try to change now maybe? though its kinda late already
put in a lil effort and stuff, though it would feel like i am trying to go against my own current

***************
time passed quite quickly at work today. not bad.
i have earned myself 3 days of pay so far *pats my own back*

ooh my precious wkend has arrived. hopefully it would be good enough to match up to its importance to me right now lol

**************

was reading "mind your body" and there was this article about this 13 yr old stroke patient

losing money, losing love is one thing, can you imagine losing your ability to construct sentences? to comprehend language? where it used to be second nature, suddenly it doesnt come naturally anymore and you have to learn from scratch?

things that we take for granted oh gosh.. its so scary how we can lose anything anytime anywhere anyhow

HAI

been long since i blogged ah, lost the blogging touch again

last wkend has been quite great, it consisted of slacking at/around fred's house and yehying's 21st birthday chalet.. blog about it next time haha

first day of work today, at NTU.
ironic eh?
my peers study there, while i work there.

then again, compared to the other job offers i got, this is not bad alr so yea should learn to be contented ah

SO, i will be doing this for at least 4 months, lets see how i survive.

today's the first day n i was already like counting down to the end of the day alr

oh its an admin job btw. (dammit i need work clothes for office work i have like none)

hoho! at least i no longer need to go for stupid interviews where i will feel so alone and lost because i am so small compared to the whole of singapore and I dunno where the hell i am and i cant find my way around obscure ulu buildings..

seems like i am not very comfortable being independent yet eh

maybe no one happens to be independent, they are just being forced to learn to be so

anw i digress

i think the higher power is quite nice to me actl

if not for the cock ups fr the other 2 job offers (i alr got shortlisted for the jobs, even signed contract alr for one of them), i would currently be either working in tuas with bangalahs and starting work at freakish 730am, or working at an MOE call center (quite tiring job right) as a customer service person, commanding a lower salary than my current one, and working on SATURDAYS (working on saturdays is just.. baaad)

so aiya should be contented alr lah huh

***************
i gained 2kgs over the past 2 months (sekali its more than that-.-)
i pray to heaven and hell that i dont gain anymore because of my job which requires me to be stationary most of the time-.-

freaking sad
n i dont even dare to try to lose weight alr, because all i lose is at the WRONG places like WTH seriously

***************

finally settled my one month belated birthday dinner with my family today
feel like having some western so just anyhow settle for the one that was right in front of us when we came out of the carpark lift (strategic location ah) NEWYORKNEWYORK

the portion sizes of the food are HUGE i realise
the food like overflowing the plate already

DAMN FULL MY STOMACH IS BURSTING
was supposed to skip dinner today
so that intake of calories from breakfast n lunch=expenditure of energy for the whole day (since i dont move alot throughout the day)

but no choice suddenly pop up one special dinner then have to eat

eat less tmr, i can do it!

**************

i still cant believe i m gonna do the same things for 8 hours everyday for the next 4 whole months.
hate waking up early everyday also seriously
my wkends are gonna be so goddamn precious!

what to do
the rules of the world states that only when you're doing sth then you're considered a normal human being

and the doing sth means either work/study your life away

look at our civilisation's decadence!

(or you might say, my own laziness)

***************

though we all have our own morals/values, i dont think we should ever impose them on others
its dumb, and speaks of ignorance

partyworld (now u know why i had to go for a haircut haha)




i am like forever photogenic-.-


here are like 3 pictures to add some colour to my blog

****************************
went NTU hostel yesterday.. interesting.. seems like fellow friends have all assimilated into uni life quite comfortably

only then i realized how unconventional a life i am leading now lol (i always have sudden realizations-.-)

so actually walking the untreaded path can feel quite normal, though kinda lonely

haha i am making my failure sound like some kind of courageous venture

oh well. cannot infer meh.

then again, i still feel like i kind of know what i am doing. though the standard of the syllabus of local U and private U might not actually differ that much (maybe it does, i have no idea actl heh heh), i think the environment's somehow different. i think i will die in local U.

i dunno, just my gut feeling.
not trying to justify my failure in any sense btw.

ohya, i went NTU hostel because we wanted to surprise siying the bday girl haha. though it kinda failed lol but i think its still very nice. i dont have the pictures yet. happy 19th siying!

then got to take a look at this "Exam supper" thing of theirs. its a performance cum free food cum free redbull hall event kind of thing i think. its to commemorate one month before the exams haha. interesting.

(that's when the above picture was taken)
******************

forced myself out of bed at like 9 plus today, when i slept at like 3 plus 4am ytd

(haha actl its like a good 5-6 hrs, but damn i still felt dead tired)

to go for an interview at tuas
it felt like i was a foreigner visiting bangladesh
nothing too bad..
(i am not criticizing anyth hor lol)

went home to change n met fred for lunch at jurong point
lol people in army still so good life!
it was a rushed one though, his lunch break was "only" like 2 hours.
heh heh.

that's about it. shall see whether i get the job. then i can embark on my miserable life.

*****************
ohya i actually entertained the thought of retaking my piano grade 8 recently.
but i think better not.
i mean, look at my a-level retake attempt
furthermore the difficulty level is about the same-.-

scared of myself already la.

******************
"deep" convo. lol-.- actually its quite good.

was supposed to go for an interview this afternoon but it was postponed in the end cos the agent couldnt contact the client or sth

so i woke up early for nth zzz

early in my own context yea

hai darn, i actually normalized my sleeping time to around 11pm-10am for the past week yknow!
but ever since i came back from malacca it's screwed up again. cos i slept too much in the car and couldnt fall sleep when i got back home. oh well.

at least i called SEAB, emailed SIM.. 2 things temporarily off my shoulders

why am i blogging about such mundane stuff

12th oct 2009





i know my expression's always the same yea








haha yea fred wasted one day's leave on my insignificant birthday..

(erm isit leave or off? lol i m confused now)

but yea really appreciate it! thanks for bringing me out on that day=)

it was raining during the first half of the day so we couldn't leave the house

then when the rain subsided fred brought me out without wanting to tell me where we were heading to

so, quite confident that i wouldn't know where the hell i am anyway, he brought me to walk here walk there (leaving me trailing behind, as i lose sight of him-.-).. then take bus etc (oh we went tampanies1 for awhile before that)

and eventually we arrived at a place which looked like a beach

"this.. looks like a beach"

"yea, so where's this place?"

"i dunno.. east.. coast park?"

"yea lah"

"i dunno, it might be pasir ris park or sth, or isit called pasir ris beach" *mumbles to myself*

yea sth like that lah huh i cant really rmb also

so

we walked for ages till we reached this little ant farm like place, its pretty cute, and used the toilet at some fancy fast food restaurant.

we even found out that there’s mini golf over there.

after awhile, we headed back to the opposite direction as we were pretty god damn hungry, and reluctantly ate mac, though asshole i was pretty sick of mac already.

(lifted fr fred's blog)

so, when we were done eating, i stretched my legs to feel for my slippers and to my surprise they disappeared

(i have an unglam habit of removing my slippers and sitting cross-legged on the chair sometimes heh heh)

baffled, i looked up and caught fred's suspicious smile

"whr's my slippers?"

hahaha i left your slippers in the toilet just now"

"huh? what?? serious? how did you..?"

i was seriously about to leave for the toilet alr when he told me he actually kicked it under the bench i was sitting on-.-

it was e macdonalds benches so ya i couldnt see what was underneath

-.-

childish right lol

yea then we walked a lil more and wanted to try double-biking

however the first bike shop we saw was about to close for the day

eventually we found a shop which was like leaving for some company dinner or sth though

so we got to rent the bike for overnight usage (instead of hrly charge) for an even lower price

haha good deal yea

so, according to fred, we road all the way to changi beach, pass the skate park, the cable ski, the aloha chalet and the prawning farm etc

(i wouldnt really know cos of my poor direction/location sense yea)

hahaha towards the middle of the ride i became the pillion instead, and fred was the one doing all the riding

hehe, first time i could feel the wind-in-my-hair without needing to actually cycle

haha not cos i don wanna ride okay

its cos there's sth wrong with the gears or sth, when fred rides at normal speed the foot rests at the back will spin so fast i could hardly keep my feet on them

so its better i keep my legs to myself right

fred had a good workout though haha

finally turned back when the roads looked unfriendly haha (we rode for about 2-3 hrs isit? i cant rmb. or isit shorter)

yep, then we rode to the east coast hawker centre for some hawker food

sugarcane, oyster egg.. yum yum

that's when we took those pictures above

returned the bike to the shop, and we walked towards this lan shop at katong

fred wanted to play his l4d, we had nothing much to do anw

so we headed to the shop

fred thought i was really bored cos i STILL couldnt play the game

lol seriously its okay one lah

i wasnt really bored, i was entertaining myself by shooting my teammates! and getting kicked out of every game i join. really

it can be really fun with the right mindset

ohwell, when you are like bad at everything, eventually you learn to entertain yourself regardless of anything you do

haha yea, then we took bus back to his house

quite a random n spontaneous day yea

thanks alot for day=)

there will never be an end to the number of things that i can (choose to) think about (i shall stress that i dont conjure them out of nowhere, they just stare at me right in the face k)

but oh well right now i am at the "rest" part of the "work-rest" cycle where it is time to let my mind rest abit

hmm i guess i'd rather overlook stuffs than regret the consequences of not doing so

******************
yea that's more or less what i have gathered from my past 2 days of "escape"

oh i talk to my dad normally now so i guess that's a good thing (credits to the trip i guess)

so, my 2 day malacca trip consisted of EATING, movie watching and shopping mall's aisle walking (we dont even buy anyth/enter the shops-.-) and that's about it

watched pandorum and cloudy with a chance of meatballs

former is watchable and quite enjoyable i feel

(like most sci-fic movies)interesting concept and ideas (too many in one movie though, so like kinda underdeveloped and disjointed)

rather intriguing twists here and there, though certain parts either too confusing to be comprehended, abit redundant or gets a lil boring.

some parts were too suspenseful for my weak heart though, hence 1/3 of the time i was staring at the edge of the screen and using my peripheral vision to watch the movie.

latter is really cute! not that funny but interesting too. the food depicted looked really edible though haha

time to sleeep

i think thr's sth wrong with me (maybe not only me)

hur
hopefully the coming 2 days of "escape" will do me good

although i am not exactly looking forward to it
for it means being vulnerably exposed to my parents' incessant naggings for 2 days straight

yea i m heading to malacca for the wkend with my family

i'd rather go genting loh, i think the weather will definitely help clear my head abit.
oh well.

**************

at least my haircut today went well i feel, screwed up haircuts just makes a bad day

finally ah, if my head cant feel lighter mentally, the least i can do is to lighten it physically

met fred for POPEYES today haha, like finally
we devoured the food in silence
lol

walk from orchard(my haircut place) to cityhall was a lil painful this time round though
for i developed like blisters on the soles of my feet?
kind of lame ah, its not like its vigorous exercise or anyth
i think its due to my ill-fitting slippers

yea then we went esplanade to sit awhile

and quite unusually, i went back to my own house, and here i am

bye

**************
oya i dreamt that i went deaf in one ear again
hoho

it has been quite long since i emo-ed to chinese songs haha, before yesterday's short KTV session

not saying i have become less cheena lah

the only thing that could possibly offset my cheena-ness will probably be my love for potatoes

still i dont think that's enough

hah enough crapping..

i think i have lost my blogging urge heh heh

still gona blog briefly about my mundane life though, for time is slipping by

now, where did i last stop at

9th october 2009 friday

skipped my sleep in the afternoon (yknow my screwed up body clock)
headed to town with sis

walked around, ate peking duck fr ion's basement, my sis cut her bangs
she met her friend who cut her hair too
walked around more

sis met up with aunt

i met up with some of the dancers for movie "fame" (cool spontaneous lively movie, wish i was as cool as those people)

met up with sis n aunt after movie as dancers left for home, had spicy popiah from the heavily themed and branded ion foodcourt

met up with fred who was on his way home and changed train and met me at orchard cos we were both bored

fred my sis n i went to drink at this pub near hardrockcafe
sis wanted to go home around 1am
so we did, i went fred's house though

10th october 2009 saturday

woke up in the aftnn
i left for home while fred went for some meeting
slacked at home, talked to my youngest sis, use com n everyth

we then met at bugis
wanted to go haji lane but i think it was too late or sth

walked around, dinner at this coffeeshop, arcade, watched surrogates (interesting concept and movie, though not exciting enough leh)

11th october 2009 sunday

woke up in the aftnn also?
slack slack eat lunch everyth then left for "filming"

sean adria n alouis surprised me at sean's house with a slice of cake and told me there was no filming that day

lol

left for suntec's just acia (cheap cheap) to have dinner, and was further surprised by vionna szekee eunice and adele with a full round yummy cake with like so many candles haha

(thanks for the efforts to surprise me, though i think its quite easy one cos i m always very oblivious to my surroundings anw haha)

ate and everyth then we went our separate ways=)

12th october 2009 monday

my bday yea thanks everyone for the wishes=)
blog about this day when i get the pics haha

13th october 2009 tuesday

i think i slacked at home

14th october 2009 wednesday

"event" job at bugis from 12pm-10pm
saw marcus haha long time no see
fred came for like less than a minute

had no appetite for dinner! only drank coffee so rare so rare
reached home, showered and crashed on my bed around 11pm

haha the fateful day which normalized my screwed up body clock woohoo lol

15th october 2009 thursday

i think i woke up in the morning around 9am like WOW
felt rather refreshed and energized
as i inhaled the dewy morning air

spent the day with my com again

16th october 2009 friday

the three of us sisters were at home! wow wow
this seriously is a once in a year occurrence

dad was hogging the com

so the three of us sat adjacent to each other, on the sofa, and talked

(i am still amazed by the fact that we did that, the last time such a thing happened was in our hotel room in china in may or june)

soon i was talking on the phone and they started READING (lol)

then watched some tv

used com and i left house for fred's house

he was sick that day so he was on MC

cant rmb what we did i think we watched some stuff and fell aslp soon after?

17th october 2009 saturday

was supposed to go somewhr in the morning, which was why i went his house at night the day before, but in the end also nv go

he was still sick so just stayed indoors and slack

had rotiprata for breakfast though, to celebrate deepavali

okay i think its just a coincidence lol

yea happy 2nd month lol time flies

18th october 2009 sunday

went for filming, forced fred to accompany me haha

first day of filming for intangible bond, interesting experience as my character is totally different this time round

thought i kind of did a sucky job lah
i think i portrayed myself very irritatingly n all like the audience will shoot me that kind
with my weird fake voice acting esp

anw, still got other scenes lah huh shall see how

after that we went back sean's house n slacked awhile
katong laksa dinner at holland v
the guys cant stop talking about army
(weilong, sean, alouis, fred and i were present)

weilong left

sean alouis fred n i went back sean's house to slack
played some cards, watched the vids from the filming in the day, slacked

went downstairs for gan lao mian supper (ooh i miss my glm lol)
talk talk talk until like 2 plus 3am?

alouis went back to his house while we went back sean's house

showered talked abit more and slept soon after

19th october 2009 monday

my phone call woke the 3 of us up early in the morning around 9am
lol paiseh

slacked the rest of the day away

the cup noodles very nice i still rmb the name lol
koko crunch also not bad

met the dancers at holland v's NYDC for dinner (haha its like ten min walk from sean's house or sth so accessible)

though i got lost on the way n took like 20 mins to walk there or sth

it was jiayuan's n my birthday dinner i think, though i didnt know at first, and ordered some snack cos i wasnt very hungry and i am very broke

lol should have ordered some main course ah since they were treating (KIDDING)

discovered jiayuan's "secret" LOL rather entertaining

anyway, thanks for the treat, cake and bday present! =))

then i was on the way back to sean's house when fred called n told me they were coming to holland v for dinner

so i waited for them at holland v and they had dinner

left for fred's house around 11 i think

20th october 2009 tuesday

reached home around 9 plus, slept at 10 plus n woke up at 1
got ready n left for orchard
totally unprepared, for rounds and rounds and ROUNDS of interview at recruit express
it was DAMN cold lah, i was like literally shivering when i was being interviewed so embarrassing loh

i am generally QUITE pleased with my answers to their questions actually, since i am usually not very good at thinking-on-the-spot

anyhow, i dont really want to embark on an even more miserable life, but i still hope i get a job soon

n maybe act like some normal human being in singapore

busy but bored you know

n yah i need some money at least, dont need alot but ya

anw, then i met fred in town since i was at town n he was near town, around 6pm

walked around orchard central, went cine to eat, then yehying n her friend came

talked while they had their dinner

then we went for KTV at partyworld, only about 2 hrs for fred n i though, cos we wanted to catch the last train

poor yehying, i hope she gets over it soon..

hoho but if i was sad going to the KTV will make me even more sad loh i think i havent start singing i will start crying alr

21st october 2009 wednesday

spent huge part of the day eating n BLOGGING

-.-

i seriously blog until damn sian liao bye haha

aiya i know why my blog so drama n emo alr.

cos in the past whenever i have "emo" stuff to talk about i will not allow myself to blog

i actually forgot about this policy the past few weeks lah

haha alright i will adhere to it from now on.

eh

my stomach has been weird this wk!

either i am damn hungry but got no appetite

or i feel like eating (cos i havent eaten much) but feel damn bloated and full

zzz

then one day i am having diarrhea, the next two days i am constipated..

hahaha okay sry i have the tendency to be too explicit sometimes

ok

first sign of too much free time = high blogging frequency

-.-

ok lah i m in the midst of job hunting alr i am not THAT lazy ok wth

when the pain was most acute, i almost chose euthanasia over remaining comatose..

but i realized dying is really not fun at all, i really cannot die, after i die i will be nothing but a ghost roaming earth with eternal longing and pain, instead of maybe being freed of misery as i rise up to heaven as an angel or sth-.-

and the pain has diffused into a nagging ache.. however abrupt the way it hit and (never actually)left

so i have chosen to remain comatose, oblivious to my surroundings and reality, but still (being kept artificially)alive

as the irreversible kink plays itself out

as everything in the past and future gets tainted and diluted

as i struggle and weaken day by day, knowing that there's a 90% chance i might die eventually, but still 10% chance some miracle happens, where i can at last see the world with both eyes wide open

at least i have made a decision, it will still waver in the future but it is a huge relief.

just like how i decided after thinking for one month what to do with my As. very calming as well.

(talking in metaphoric terms again yea, i am not trying to show off my (lack of)creativity but yea i needed to be vague so yea. really need to vent but lazy to blog at pte blog cos after i blog i will need to delete history which is damn mafan. anyhow this is the 3rd entry i am writing but 1st one i m publishing cos only this is vague enough)

i am being quite self-indulgent recently.

(i know my post is like damn dramatic. whatever lah stories are always told dramatically anw)
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its so ironic how the 2 songs i randomly selected for my playlist out of the many songs which actually meant something are the only 2 songs which make sense now

i predicted my own future man! talk about omens.

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was tricked into working for an insurance company "event" by a friend yesterday (not blaming you btw) lol. approaching and conning strangers aint my cup of tea manz, though if you enjoy doing that it is quite good money

anw so i threw myself into such a situation by not asking clearly what the "event" was about but i guess that is the only way i can put my fears aside and gain new "experiences" (and some money, which is extremely important to me right now)

had i realized what it was about before i went i would have decided against going for it

so yea, just do it, and you will realise it aint that bad. right now i wouldnt want to repeat that experience though hoho, I THINK (money is a very enticing factor though-.-)

amazing ah, the shit we're willing to go through for cash

-.-

or rather, the shit we need to go through for cash

anyhow, surprise visit by fred was very much appreciated (and needed, actl-.-) though it lasted only a few seconds, which was totally not enough time for me to emerge from my zoned-out state-.-

the mentoes in the fridge now

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nothing to do today again
is there even a job that i dont mind doing?

actl i rmb i didnt mind doing banquet. but its kind of weird like abit dangerous with all the slippery floors and all and not sth i would like to do alone? and its also like sth only 16 year olds do because they cant qualify for the 18 yr old and abv jobs..
and my hair color might not be accepted alr

aiya i dont know lah. i think i am just lazy.

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still got my bday post-.- lazy to upload the pics in my phone lah that's why lol. forgot to bluetooth to fred for him to upload haha.

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i guess it happens to everyone. you dont know if you've really grown smarter or more stupid, but you know that you've emerged less genuine

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nowadays my posts all freakin emo one loh wth