what a tricky situation.

especially when dealing with authority requires such delicate sensitivity and care i am barely capable of.

where i used to keep the furthest possible distance from all sorts of authority; whenever teachers try to talk to me they hardly receive any audible reply, much less an informative one, bosses, maybe topped off with a polite patronizing smile, parents, more or less, as well, i had no choice yesterday but to face it.

i think i handled it pretty badly, but its a learning experience anyhow, albeit kinda freaky and uncomfortable.

Its kind of tiring, one drama after another, but the way i see it, one drama distracts me from the other so its still good..

chancing upon things that are not meant for your knowledge.. learning about things that you are not really sure if you really want to know of anymore, for the NTH time, it gets increasingly, confusingly, devastating

i think the higher power does not present me with alternate highs and lows. Its basically asking me to give up by showing me the lows, while i am resisting that compelling force by seeing and probably creating the highs..


after so long, to have zero existence in your subconsciousness...............

haha i can like, feel the joy in my heart.

its funny how the SIMPLEST things get me feeling so peacefully happy.

of course there are times where more complicated situations make me happy too, but those are too unsettling, too surreal, its almost always happiness mixed with fear.

But right now, being at home, waking up to the afternoon sun, thinking about how to organize my belongings, eating, enjoying the afternoon breeze instead of being trapped in the air conditioned office... such's life man

yeah, ever since i stopped sleeping in an air-conditioned rm about 2 yrs ago (cos they spoilt), i started disliking air con already. in fact that's one of the reason i dont like being in the office, hoho.

it just feels so clinical so sterile so confining and its just so literally cold

oh well

of course i still do enjoy the occasional aircon when i am perspiring like mad or st but yeah

*****

however of course, if not for the fact that i am deprived of stay-at-home-and-slack-time so much... i wouldnt be able to feel such "joy" too

what a paradox

*********
i m eating this super oily bacon now

yay
arg

I have been trying to blog actually, but they all sound too retarded, so yea, i ended up saving them as drafts.

hoho! I dunno what to think anymore.

i just know that i need to get my SIM application done, as well as TAKE MY SPEAKERS FOR REPAIR.

random outstanding stuffs will be like to extract this "shaky" molar tooth that has been shaking for THREE YEARS, to buy my earphones, and some other stuff, and to tan maybe?

(and alot more i cant recall at the moment)

have been thinking about learning driving recently.. i keep procrastinating saying that i have no money (parents not sponsoring).. but if i dont learn now then when am i ever going to learn?

SIM degree's not v gd either.. hoho oh well i dunno lah

nothing in the world's THAT absolute anyway

ON LEAVE TMR! N MON! N TUES!!! so freakin glad.

CNY is coming soon.. heading to grandma's house in msia as usual. kind of glad i m heading out of sg somehw. Though it means 4 days of boredom-.-.. yea and i hope i get sick of the CNY goodies fast-.-

feel like going chinatown haha

**************

boo. how i wish i looked better!! seriously!! (dont roll your eyes)

i forgot what i wanted to say already.
bye

*************






haha. radiant huh so unlike a patient. which is a gd thing


****************************
so empty, so hungry

it's yet another dreadful week at work, YEAH how bad can it be when i am blogging at work right-.- hoho that's cos certain watchful eyes' on leave in the morning today.. its an exception, get it

yeap! gonna take leave this week! 've been planning to take leave this wk since LAST YR, cant waitttt, i am totally excited

wkends have been surprisingly rather great..=)

met up with jiehui on friday (22/01/10) at jurong point for a good long chat!! awesome. lasted more than 6 hrs from like 830pm till 3am in the morning haha. i already had dinner before jiehui's text came so i accompanied her at Thai Express for dinner.. i am SO GLAD i didnt succumb to the temptation of that rich succulent THAI SEAFOOD GREEN CURRY woohoo. had lots of 711 crap in the end though =S

anw, we walked the entire JP, sat outside JP, then to and fro the path to my house.. yeah you get the idea

friday was mr fred's lung operation day as well.. he's healing fast i think, good good=)

haha did i mention the necklace he gave me broke on friday as well, in the most mysterious way.

lol yea, and you would think that's like the cheesiest movie plot ever or sth? IT ACTL HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE MAN! my life's starting to get interesting huh?

NAH i resisted my superstitious side.. contrary to popular opinion (and fred's opinion) i didnt think he was going to die just because of that-.- !!!

i was just naturally concerned! lol

while being rather fascinated by the coincidence

saturday (23/01/10) was TCP's photoshoot and interview with the SPH ppl (cabbed to rp). due to having slept only 3 hrs the previous night, i was being rather, erm, regretfully chatty-.- interviewer PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE ME. hais. eyeliner was pretty screwed up as well, probably resulting in less than photogenic pictures..

(i am not finding excuses for my ugliness, my make up was so screwed up i had to redo it after that when i had free time btw)

anyhow, it was a cool experience with the professional photographer who was surprisingly very approachable lol

a few of us proceeded to visit fred at SGH around five plus, cabbed there again, went up two by two, i went up again in the end to accompany fred all the way till 10 plus before i got chased out (curse the fat nurse and ugly security guard) yea, crapped the night away, had dinner there as well, quite nice =)

was supposed to meet adele and eunice after that but by then my lack-of-sleep-induced adrenaline was already starting to run out and i was feeling dead tired, so i made a decision (after a very indecisive process) to just cab home and crash or sth..

yea. and i thought it would be an easy ride home since i was intending to cab, but hell no! i almost went crazy hailing a cab!!

the cab drivers ignored my flailing arms even though they were not being "hired"?? and those cabs were the rare few among the whole pack of "hired" cabs on the road..

walked aimlessly alone in the dark with bangalas and foreigners..

after about one hour or sth??? (at least it felt like an hr, but seriously its close to that) i FINALLY got my butt on a cab

terrible experience. spent about 40 bucks on 3 cab rides in total for the day.. great day!-.-
love cabbing though

yeayea...

i love how my speakers (which looks like some bose imitation btw haha but its only like 135 bucks or so la) makes certain (depending on the quality and also my speakers' mood) vocals sound quite alive..

(okay but instrumentals wise's rather blah)

yea the warranty period of my speakers ending soon
but the prob is that my speakers only works when it wants to?

i bet when i bring it to the shop for exchange it will like, work perfectly well-.-

grr.

yeah.

************

was feeling sad about a certain thing today when something else happened (they are unrelated matters) which got me so pissed off my heart started pumping real hard

it's kind of interesting how my sadness got completely replaced by anger instantaneously?

not a great day as usual

took a 2 hr long shower to battle that..

sorry earthlings for wasting water=S

*****************

why do i hold back from expressing my thoughts here in fear of being labeled as "emo" permanently? because you dont want to be taken any more less seriously than humanely possible

why cant i do whatever i want, trust my own thinking and stand up for it? why do i care since you're not me? because you dont live with only yourself

haha still emoing huh-.-

Saturday 16 Jan 2010

met fredrik at douby ghaut.. i reached before him man! hehehe. headed to stereo.. saw Eunice n friend there as well haha.

thanks for waiting as i took forever to audition the earphones..!

saw this pair of earphones that i shall keep in view for the time being.. not very impressive but its sth that i can settle for i guess?


hoho i can never get enough of earphones. arg. i want bright airy treble but solid tight bass as well!! how am i supposed to find a nice compromise between the 2 without spending like more than lets say, 300 bucks on a pair of earphones?


maybe more than that, i duno la, my budget's only about hundred, hundred plus.. people not rich enough yea


shd i shd i shd i (get that pair of earphones)??

ohya and i cant seem to hear much instrumental separation and soundstage either..

hoho i think my expectations are getting too high -.-

yeayea i am an audiophile wannabe.. whatever..

(shd i check out jaben first before making my decision? btw i feel jaben's friendlier.. i think i saw this Stereo staff telling his colleague i am hoggin a certain pair of test-earphones.. like wth. but i am kind of lazy to head down to adelphi too.. hmm)

after bout..2 hrs plus (?) in the shop, we headed to Carls Junior for dinner.. my first time eating the burgers in Carls Junior btw.. huge meal.. i think i will have just the Beef Chilli Cheese fries next time haha

then walked to esplanade, stayed thr for awhile
then to clarke quay, waddled through the crowds

only to end up being the first few ones boarding NR7 back to tampines at..12am..

haha. nth to do mah

watched two eps of big bang theory

Sunday 17th Jan 2010

Happy fifth month!

big feat, big feat.

hoho.

anyway, we spontaneously headed to Tamp mall to catch alvin n the chipmunks 2 at 320pm.. when we woke up at like 2.. haha cute show cute show..

shopped around the tamp malls before heading back for dinner

watched quite a few shows.. how i met your mother, never back down, the longest yard ETC

slept reluctantly at 3am..

i was feeling so miserable i swear.. engulfed in dread.. thinking about the agony that awaited 3 hrs later (since i slept at 3 and had to wake up at 6)

nah i am not going to try slping earlier.. i have to stretch my wkends to its fullest potential-.-

oya haha in the morning mr fred managed to get up from bed to send me off at the door leh haha

oh well anyhow, I trudged through the day yea!

hai, doesnt it suck. I spend such a long time waiting for friday.. but before i know it, its monday, YET AGAIN

cant wait to quit my job, but but, what am i supposed to do in place of working actually? i hope nothing unfortunate happens in March. i dont wanna quit my job, only to give myself AMPLE time to mope around in depression..

oh well nvm just contemplating possibilities

***********************

yes i think i am more affected by IT than i realise. because everything that happens, i am capable of linking them back to it...-.-

the truth always hurts yea. esp with the wealth of information i have on my hands.

***********************

econs?? shd i just take econs? it would be equivalent to commiting suicide for its essentially MATH?

************************

Where nothingness and being coexist

the source of bittersweet entrapment

and very often, a lost cause.

Friday 8 Jan 2010

after work, slacked n used the com until 6am in the morning. nice. nostalgic yknow.

Saturday 9 Jan 2010

shopping at orchard and crystal jade buffet at holland v with nx before she starts school as the next time we meet will probably be in may where her next holiday starts..

darn, made a lot of hasty purchases as we were rushing for the buffet.. of which 2 buys i regret! cant exchange because of the nature of the product.. exceeded the exchange period too for the 2nd buy

what a waste of approximately one day's pay-.-

ohyea the buffet was okay. made my stomach explode as usual. haha next time i know to just dao the steamboat and spam the xiao long baos already
then there was this period of time i was shivering from cold and dying from spiciness simultaneously.. a very helpless situation to be caught in i would say
i couldnt drink my iced barley to cure the spiciness as i couldnt afford to freeze further, neither could i drink something hot to warm myself up as i would have died from spiciness.
oh well.
haha.
yea. i'll have just the xlbs next time haha.



Sunday 10 Jan 2010

Fred came from his camp, fetched me from my house to his house haha.. we met at like 9am or sth freakin early
yea the reason why we didn meet on fri/sat is cos he has overnight army duty yea

anw, went to his house and continued to sleep haha.
then slack n watch stuff
then to yishun to meet his and his bro's friends for a lil cosy bbq session, along the corridors of Fonnis's house
mainly just ate, and listened.. interesting. i like listening.
haha also because i dont really take well to strangers as most ppl who know me should know




went back at around 1130pm..
watched some Big Bang Theory haha before headin to bed

*******************

yea things happen for a reason yea, i guess i really needed some free time today to settle outstanding and soon-to-be-due stuffs..

sigh.
i still feel quite miserable.
what kind of life is this man.

Time to start spring-cleaning. eradicate pessimistic thoughts.....

but i am very optimistic already.

hai i dunno.
some transition-to-adulthood crisis i guess

aww reality

November 2008

END OF As..........!!!!!!!!!!!!
went genting w family

(initially wanted to post some pics.. but they're too fat n hideous to be seen in daylight)

December 2008

the first time i saw the 5th gen..


the day i finally had a hair cut (after like one yr of not cutting it? which explains my hair length btw) and met brian randomly on the train, and hence joined them for dinner at ikea. .


prom.. when i was.. really.. fat.. (cannot tell fr this pic)


Dance chalettt


hanged out alot with the pinnacle peeps.. started losing weight rapidly for no reason too (i swear its almost 10 kg over a few weeks, less than a month.. even my swimsuit which is made of Lycra material became too loose for me-.-)


January 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 (scaring me with sparklers lah yall)


the numerous stayovers.. (this's at vionna's house)



the period of time i was skinny and fat at the right places, face still rather thin (started gaining back the fats alr though), just-nice tanned, legs not as blemished, and when my hair suddenly became rebonded-straight (so many people asked me if i rebonded my hair i rmb, i swear i did nth to it, didnt even use conditioner)
hai, this period of time didnt last though-.-


CNY 2009 in malaysia as always..


still hanging out alot with the pinnacle peeps..


February 2009

the month where i got closer to vionna? hanged out with her consecutively for one week.. stayed over at her house and had dinner with her family and stuff

trying out the big iris contact lens.. my eyes rejected them after 2 days.. siann.. hoho they are too big for my tiny eyes anw

gahh now i wear this top don need to wear tube also wont look obscene alr. kill me pls.


yea alot of hanging out with vionna and candy..


got pickpocketted the next morning...yea.. this is the only memory i have left of my poor wallet=( stupid pickpocket!! i didnt even have a single cent in my wallet okay-.- damn lame.


March 2009

the month i started working..

mostly at random events/roadshows

healthtrends (i feel like cutting bangs again. yea i look fat in the pic but its just the pic i think. was still much thinner than the current me dammmit)


IT show.. cool experience.. was able to promote quite naturally? beginner's luck or sth i dunno. dunno if i can do it already honestly. hai. yea n hoho i rmb feeling so ugly among all the pretty girls-.-


somemore filming..


my dad's birthday at sakura..


April 2009

work


work


work


and more work.. (mediacorp filming for one day)


hanging out with the dancers.. that day i drank shochu without adding ice to it and my whole face turned red.. while i was like having dinner at shokudo. so embarrassing! (this pic's taken at Balcony)


yea.. life started slowing down abit for me in April.. i spent it working mostly.. this is a post that summarizes it haha

Thursday, April 30, 2009

hihi, i am kinda bored. but i am almost afraid to sleep, because sleeping means ending my day, which means another day is gone, and that my life is yet another day shorter. i was so bored i calculated my heartrate while seated down in front of the com just now, thrice. HAH, to get an average reading, which is 55 beats per minute. i guess it is rather normal for my age? i am not sure. but at least i know that i am still young and quite healthy. anyway, i watched edward scissorhands yesterday, it turned out to be much lighter and childish than i had expected, still quite a cute movie i guess. and i drank lots of tea today, because it keeps getting cold and i had to get rid of it, i think i dont even need to bother bringing water bottle to work now. five and a half hour's chicken feet compared to 10 hours for the other job of mine though, which makes my mon to thurs quite bearable i guess. coming to think of it, i have misplaced my schedule sheet, oh no, i dont know the time to report to work this coming friday. my pay for all my previous work better come in soon too, i cant even withdraw any money now, if you get what i mean. i am blabbering on and on yea. i actually have two unwatched DVDs and an anime to start watching, but yea, i just havent started watching them even though i am bored. i had some redwine and pineapple tart just now though, how random. i miss having a life without even asking for it, things fell into place quite nicely didnt they? i hope in all greediness that life will get better and more joyful soon, without me having to reach out for it. Someone asked me a question today. "So, what do you do usually?" "errr.." What a vague question, should i tell you what i did today and yesterday? "Do you club?" no.. i dont. "why?" because.. i am not really interested? "Do you do sports?" no.. not really. (unless you count jogging) "so.. you.. shop? blog?" err.. yea kinda.. YEA how should i ans such a qns! i eerm, work, slack, eat, shower, try to jog, watch tv, use the com, go out with friends and family.. what else? oh and not forgetting pinnacle. so, am i supposed to list everything out when being asked such a qns? and its not the first time i have been asked of course. anyway, be careful what you wish for, because a wish of mine came true quite recently, but in a twisted manner, so i am suffering indefinitely in that aspect now. yes i am not going to paragraph my post today. ooh, my mum has woken up, its a new day for my schooling sisters and working dad, and still the same old day for me, isnt it great, i have slowed time down. should i start on my anime/dvd or should i hit the sack now. speaking of sleeping, i realized i dont know how to pronounce insomnia today, as in whether its insomniah or insomnierh, because i have never really had the need to mention that word, since what i suffer from is probably opposite of insomnia. congrats if you're still reading, you have got great perseverance and focus, may happiness and success be with you.

posted by l@l@l@l@l@ @ 5:17 AM

May 2009

A job which a friend recommended me.. selling tea at Tangs.. it was quite a good experience actl


met up with ningxin very often after work as she was working in town as well during that period of time

supper at nx's fave eating place, Delifrance.
yea i can actl eat alot if i dont control.. had the entire pizza to myself. its pizza for 2-3 pax btw


there was this particular day i had this rather major dispute with my dad over money..

the next day he came to town where i was working (Tangs) to lend me money (because i needed it urgently (separate matter from the dispute)) and treated me to a $140 meal at Sun with moon..

very very rare occurence..

i didnt realise then, but now that i come to think of it.. both days seemed to be linked..

i think my dad.. was trying to make it up to me? (w reference to the dispute)

hai.

touched.
i should really try to talk more to my dad. (afterall i inherited my love for eating and singing from him.. damn why didnt i inherit his love for math as well?? that would be really useful..)

one of the dishes we ordered that day
steak+foie gras+eggplant YUM


shochu.. this time round i added ice.. haha yeayea (didnt use the soda though)


June 2009

went china with my family..




TCP awards ceremony..


the very FIRST day i started re-studying.. hoho


the first time we went out one-on-one siol..


welcoming the 6th gen, at brian's house


July 2009

July was the month I started "studying" (for my A levels retake).. so i went out less..

there was one week i stayed over for like 4-5 days consecutively at sean's house with alouis and sean though LOL..lazy to travel home or sth? had alot of GLM haha

haha yea and fred accompanied me on most days i was "studying" (in july).. yea that time still friends lah, i think he too free or sth, seriously-.- (and probably to take his mind off some stuff that was/is (??) haunting also huh) thanks still haha

this's the 2nd time we went out hoho.. first time i saw yehying n cynthia, at partyworld KTV


youngest sis's 14th bday..


szekee's 21st bday..


August 2009

haha.. the month i started to give up studying already..-.-
started going out agn..

with the dancers


helped my mum out at her wrkplace for one day for the first time, as i wanted a visual image of her wrkplace whenever she talks about it haha. the kids were cuute


National day 2009 with the pinnacle peeps


the wth-is-happening period, lots of town-ing with fred


my virgin clubbing experience (yes i m noob), the day we "got tgt" (actl it was still equally wth-is-happening), and the pic on facebook that gave us away..


hohoho. the rather disastrous day that made me clubbing-phobic


September 2009

met up with vionna and she seemed to have gotten the shock of her life or sth lol


yeayea.. sept.. was still studying here and there.. and deciding if i should give up retaking, and career options and everyth
quite unsettling period of time

wkends mostly with fred (i was nv at home on wkends basically).. our mutual friends tcp ppl.. hanged out with a few friends one on one as well..


October 2009

the month where i decided to give up As and havent found a job.. so basically i was idling my time away so much i got really bored.. also because i was so broke i couldn go out..

started looking for jobs too

really miss those slacking days now though haha =S

my birthday..




haha the celeb with dancers why nv take pic ah.

commencement of intangible bond filming..


at NTU's hostel haha


still mostly hanging out with mr.fred during the wkends


November 2009

4th Nov was the day i finally started my NTU admin job.. after several job offer cock ups..

so it means I have been working for more than 2 months so far.. yes it has been and will be freakin sian

anw, yea so it was the start of my work and eat and sleep on wkdays, and play and slack on wkends life..





December 2009

xmas.. new year eve..

the end of the year....

hohohoho



dec's quite similar to nov.. work.. bday parties, bbqs, festivals to commemorate..

yeayea

*************

nah i do not have such awesome memory.. the above is just copy and paste from my archives..

most of the stuff which i didnt blog i have kind of forgotten already..

except for some stuff.. heh

oh well, its not the end product (this post) that matters, but the process of blogging which allowed me to look back tidily on the year of 2009, my 19th year in this creepy world..

he/she/it is "on top" of us, but below everyone else
its funny to see him/her/it bow definitely
hohoho

**************
yeahh feeling a lil bit more motivated when i go to work nowadays, because i finally have an aim, that is, WHEN TO QUIT.

hohoho!

thinking thinking..

(wahlao i m not a quitter lah, i need to start the bridging course thing in April most likely what.)

*************

finally the pics are kopable, i shall blog before i forget..

30/12/2009 wednesday

met up with jiaying like finally..=)


met at jurong east MRT after my work at around 730pm. she accompanied me to recruit express to hand in my timesheet..
then we walked to IMM..

eh jiaying coming to think of it it was damn dangerous for us to squeeze behind the lorries loh if they reversed we would have been crushed like in some final destination scene i swear=S

shows that its not time for us to die yet hoho

anw, i was having a bad cough so we skipped the fastfoods and had dinner at swensons..talked and talked.. i lost more of my already vanishing voice after that-.-

got out of swensons when they closed and went to this bench outside the MRT station to continue talking

and hoho we left in time for jiaying to catch her last train, fortunately!

Thanks so much for the card and the tai yang bing! the contents of the card really brought me down memory lane.. its pretty tear jerking actually=S.. hai it has been so long..

all the best for your studies and everything really=)

(this day served a greater significance to me than i had expected in fact. i.. rediscovered.. some of the old me which i seemed to have lost somewhere along the way....................... )

31/12/2009 thursday

new year's eve..

went to work.. no "party" this time round (which is gd actl), ended work at 1pm woohoo~

when i was walking home i suddenly felt this sense of calmness i havent felt for more than a year..

its on the rare occasions where i could reach home earlier than usual from school that i will feel this way. really nice.

anw, after bathing and everything it was like 2pm already

and yea, work makes me sleepy for some reason, and i crashed till like..6?

woke up, had a lil dinner, watched tv, packed, bathed and got ready..

left for sean's house.. cabbed there to avoid the bangala-crowd on the train ( i have had experience man-.-)

reached around 11.10pm. supposed to meet around 10 la haha

at least i made it in time for the countdown k!

when i reached, sean shiying brian adria roy and fred were present already.. chinteck reached slightly later

ate the food that sean's mum kindly prepared for us, watched tv, played cards, had abit of wine, fred was playing with his virtual dj set on his laptop..

he can like, spend the whole day playing with it one loh lol

just that we couldn't blast it as loud as he does it at home..

ohya i heard they gave roy a birthday surprise before i reached.. happy 19th birthday roy!

a homely gathering on new year's eve.. quite my style actually, i am an old granny at heart, haha i dont have much desire for crazy-fun, just comfort is enough, as long as i have people whom i like around me..






soon, the rest headed to bed, fred n i went down to holland v for a walk.. it was like 5am? by then holland v was pretty quiet already, the workers were all getting ready for work the next day..

so we walked around, and went to the 24 hr coffeebean to sit.. and talked abit then literally stone.
in fact, in the past i wouldnt mind at all, but i have been psycho-ed by fred to mind such moments, and started getting fidgety.. so yea anw, after awhile fred got bored so we headed back..

bathed and went to bed as well

01/01/2010 Friday

HAPPY NEW YEAR

in the morning fred shouted really loudly "WTF did u.." in my ear
and woke the rest up as well..

LOL.. YEAH this asshole sleeptalks.. i am waiting for the day he spills some of his secrets in his sleep.. i am all ears muahaha

(so far i only heard him say random phrases like "shit you" ETC in his sleep. hahaha fred, i realise you're just innately vulgar arent you :P)

anw, had cup noodles to start the day with.. watched saw 6 (not bad i quite like gore), slacked around and watched more tv..

while fred n vanness (sean's sister) n adria played some L4d and stuff

brian roy n sean were alternating betwn com tv humans n slp

for supper at 930pm we had the pontian wanton mee at holland v..yum yum
then went back to sean's house for some daidee..before leaving for the MRT

yes fred missed me alot so he pulled me out of the jookoon train into the pasir ris one! i had no choice but to go to his house hai=(
(refer to his blog for the origins of this paragraph)

bathed n everyth.. yea then fred suddenly felt like playing WW3 so he went through the hassle of downloading it and everyth.. and started playing..

hoho i dont play games at all so it was quite interesting at first
after one round which he won through cheat codes it started to look too fictional for me alr

anw i was freakin sleepy la so i told him to wake me up when he's done with his game.. haha not my fault he didnt wake me up loh.. :P

02/01/10 saturday

slacked at home.. forgot what we did already leh like seriously
ohya we went to the library at night cos fred had to return his library fine.. hanged out inside for a lil while?
then went to NTUC and i bought so much crap to eat/drink
heh heh
ate so much that night loh, on top of curry chicken dinner..

03/01/10 sunday

yea had filming on sunday around the esplanade area..
damn la my acting still sucks. oh well.

unknowingly taking pics of each other haha



wow i actually found someone more photogenic than me lol:P kidding la.. camera plus cameraman good that's why hehe




after filming it was time for dinner so we headed to the cheap cheap(just acia) at marina square to have dinner with sean and kenneth.. refreshing "change" from the usual suntec branch eh haha. not bad la this branch has better ambience actually. and there's softserve icecream hehe. anw, ate, chatted, then we went our separate ways. fred and i headed to town..

headed to 313's f21.. (only scanned through the 3rd and 4th lvls though), then zara.. zara's clothes still cant fit my broad shoulders.. yeayea

then cine.. heeren..

haha yea fred had to walk through zara's first and second level with me before he could go to the men's section on the 3rd level.. see see, ladies first yea even zara knows that:D

still cant believe i got a bf who shops more than me-.- hahaha

anyway, since it was still rather early, we then randomly headed to play pool around douby gauht area. it was my second time playing pool btw. and darn, was i NOOB or what

boohoo fred likes to make me feel noob. like bringing me to play L4D, play pool..

ohYA hahaha fred play pool got abit of "seh" one lehhh. what a nice FACADE haha. i might actually be quite charmed if it was my first time meeting him.. haha too bad:P

weird posture=S




not bad it was quite fun haha=)

trained home as fred had work the next day.. hoho this time round someone told me he would wake up after awhile and nv did until the next morning too lohh

yeayea, and as i have mentioned, i took leave on monday so i headed to bed quite peacefully at 4am..

2009 has been a year of tug of war, of holding on and letting go, of confusion and uncertainty, of delusion and illusion, of presumptions and discernment

certain stuff untold and undisclosed but are held dear to myself
certain things that rendered me helpless
certain things i am lucky i survived
certain things so absurd it felt outrageously real

and the ever present omens, to bring me back to reality when i get too carried away..
truncating those fleeting light spirits..

the intangible rainbow moments.. light bulb moments..

the heightening and suppressing of the fight or flight response..

along with unexpected kindness

2009 is a year where i almost always had a choice....

pushing away those who really care and clinging on to those who dont really
oh well too late

and nope, majority wins, but isnt always right..

this is a year where i know i kind of learned a bit more.. less naive at least

yea.. and the continuous struggle with the seemingly overlapping nature of complacency with contentment

at least its better than 2008 where i suffered but took away nothing..

2009.. it was also a year i was given a new lease of life.. at least at the start of the year, lost about 10kg for no reason over a matter of weeks.. finally i dont feel like a monster anymore.. (thin people wont ever understand this)

i didnt even dare to look into people's eyes at my worst..
have since gained back more than half.. but i guess i m contented with the net loss anyhow
paid a high price for it eventually though.. sth which i have to relearn to live with i guess

of course, its also the year where my tears flow fast and free.. into the realms of the earth, over my untrained soul
they run like taps, evolved into a daily routine, but they are never to seek pity

till i find a better way to cleanse those gunk, to glaze those burns, they shall serve as a form of meditation

there's nothing to rejoice over being strong

HAPPY 2010 again
as i said, i think dying is a rather good option, yea.
i have no hopes for 2010
it will just be a year of higher suffering as a living dead

or maybe i should hope for the impossible.. for my passion for studying during primary school to be reignited..

goodbye..goodnight..

***************
Things which i bought in 2009, and lost either immediately or almost immediately, in the house..
hopefully i can find them this year..

1) book - Brida by Paulo Coelho
2) mphosis strapped sandals
3) maquillage nail polishes
4) electronic eyelash curler and the batteries that i asked my mum to buy to power it
5) empire of the sun DVD

i think i will be adding on to this list soon.. when i start recalling stuff which i lost..

haha oxymoron

yeayea, its 2010 already..

my 2009 reflection post didnt make it here in time arg

gosh i just keep procrastinating dont i (i hope i will write at least a short one eventually-.-)

anyway, headed to bed at 4am on sunday night/monday morning (whatever u call it) with much lightheartedness i havent felt in a long time.. for i didnt have to wake up at 6am and travel from tampines to boonlay to head to work on monday which is today.. since i took leave =D

it was a great day today, i havent slacked at home for an entire day for MONTHS already
it is really liberating i swear, i needed such a day so much
i miss those days!

(okay i cut off the rest of the post cos it started getting too personal)

anw. HAPPY 2010.

its so surreal i can cry.

talk about the wkends when i get all the pics i guess=)

i need to sleep now to be alive enough for work tmr.
work work work.
GRR.

24 dec 09 thurs

half day at work
had some xmas "party".. i was the only girl (among the more "lowly" staff that i interact with, not the managerial lvl one la duh) who knew how to play taidee??

anw, the xmas party made me quite depressed, as every social situation which requires small talk and mingling and lots of energy always does..
i just.. blended into the wall

oh well









yea this is how i dont really give a damn how shitty i look when at work


after that i went home to sleep cos i was like insanely tired
packed my clothes and stuff first though

was supposed to sleep for like 1 hr.. hoho it extended to about 3, though my slp was a very interrupted one as i was like snoozing my alarm repeatedly

packed more n bathed n changed then i headed to fred's house, reached around nine (haha not before buying my huge bag of "original" ruffles chips n some milk tea n sparkling ribena n Cleo magazine n eclipse from 711-.- 16 bucks gone!)

if i m not wrong i think we like used the com n talked n stuff? haha then headed to tamp mall for avatarrrr in 2D around 1 plus(haha we felt like the lowclass citizens as compared to the 3Ds)

movie ended around 4 plus.. haha I've heard so many raves about the show, yep yep not bad i think they CAN be justified.. the graphics are like a notch up the usual level already, a pity i didnt get to catch the 3D version.. quite curious about that actually haha

anw, yea, that's my xmas eve for you..

25 dec 09 fri

woke up ate com slacked
fred accompanied me on my bus trip, as well as walk to my grandma's house at yishun (hehe thanks)
was supposed to reach at 4pm..dragged till 5.. then 6.. yea i finally reached around 6 plus
the party started around noon though
apparently there was some family drama which i missed!
damn
sorry i m just like in need of some entertainment
anw, when i reached there was like so much leftover food
of which i cleared quite alot of-.-
spilled stuff on myself too-.-

all in all, had some good old family time, it was fun

around 8-9plus we left, headed to northpt with the intention of watching a movie, the carpark was having a war with cars lining up in snake queues and NO LOTS..

this stupid grp of people who arent chinese or malays (nor eurasians) got pissed that we took the lot they were "waiting for", got out of their car and started hurling hokkien vulgarities at us..

aiyo want scold vulgarity use your own mother tongue leh, if not no kick right

anw, we memorized their car plate number and left them alone with their own stupidity (and cowardy CLAIMS that they were going to scratch our car), got the lot, and headed down to the cinema, only to find it INFESTED with more of their kind..

and worse still no available english movie timings..

so, after all the hassle just to park the car, we drove off..

dad dropped me n sec sis off at like novena mrt while he watched a movie with my mum n youngest sis

i went back to fred's house, reached around 11 plus

26 dec 09 sat

woke up pretty late like at 3 plus pm?
b4 we knew it it was like 6 plus alr
reached town around nine plus at night haha-.-
had shokudo
i had like this omelette rice plus banana milk
i duno which of it was the culprit, but it caused me this intense stomachache after that, i almost fainted in the toilet i swear
only got btr after like 3 trips to the toilet







anw, we joined the crowd outside cine, then walked around..

sat at ion along the way


this angle rocks man! can people see me only from this angle all the time???





(nope i didnt dye my hair brown and black and brown again, for some reason fred photoshopped my hair black in those pictures he edited.. hoho)

anw we then continued walking.. to cityhall

and witnessed a car accident along the way!!

oh gosh. maybe if i didn spend so much time writhing in pain in the toilet from my stomachache, i might have actl been so near the cars involved in the accident i would be writhing in pain on the roads already..

eh touchwood!

anw, fr a few metres away i totally saw two cars bang into each other, one of the cars flipped ninety degrees and back (luckily it didn flip all the way), knocking down some railings and bending a lamppost along the way..

so glad that there wasnt any bloodshed, hopefully the people involved in the accident are fine nw..

i think the police was called, and we left..

haha and started feeling this fear whenever we were near cars..

oh well, after awhile we wanted to board the NR but it was packed to the max, so we went to stone at MACs; eventually we abandoned the idea of having breakfast thr while waiting for the first train, and hailed a cab back instead..

heck man, i work so hard (ok not really) i deserve the comfort of a cab at 4 plus in the morning man.. its money well spent (hoho though there was still this residual fear fr witnessing the car accident.. afterall we were seated in a moving vehicle traveling at.. at least 90km/hr (actl i have no idea about the speed))

got back to the house n like, talked more. hoho. smhw like not tired alr or sth eh

27 dec 09 sun

spent the whole day indoors
went tamp mall for awhile though as fred needed a haircut

some rather "hilarious" stuff happened during this certain part of the day too
ohwell

28 dec 09 mon
hellish day

nothing to do at home. cos i slept for like 2-3 hrs just now once i reached home, and cant exactly fall aslp now

19th dec..




budget for gift exchange's 5-10 bucks, and someone bought vodka.. lol










=)

i am glad its not the 31st today, or it would be a bad end to the year-.-

Within a day, i fell sick, my tears are still pretty trigger friendly, and i got scolded like duno how many times for using the internet at work (sick plus emo = malfunctioning radar for authority), for not LEAVING the office on time..

didn meet people i was supposed to meet also hah but i guess i am abit too sick for that actl

oh well

life sucks
logical deduction tells me its better to die

since we work because we need money to live
instead of force yourself to work because you HAVE TO live, why not die? it IS another logical option loh

whatever happiness in life is just positive thinking man, the fleeting kind is worse.

nope i am not angsty

bitemarks on the index finger and thumb,

to stop the endless tearing

(it could have been easier if i was at home hoho, but oh well i earned money today)

(if u think i am indulging too much in my emotions, you're indulging too much in your self-righteousness too)